


Anti Kitten-Burning Coalition Letter

by Shadsie



Category: Original Work
Genre: Disease, Exploding Kittens, Gen, Horror, I actually really love cats don't judge me by this, Kittens, Science Fiction, Slacktiverse, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies, slacktivist - Freeform, zombie kittens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-23 16:25:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11406147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadsie/pseuds/Shadsie
Summary: The world has turned upside down.  You've been noticing that all the young stray cats in your neighborhood have gained bioluminescent eyes and a tendency to attack everything in sight.  You learn that what is responsible is a terrible disease that's on the spread all across the continent.  What do you do?A letter appears in your mailbox from a well-meaning group instructing just what to do to save your pets and your family.(A flash-fiction in the form of a politely-worded letter in response to a thread on the Slacktivist blog where the comments and replies took an interesting turn).





	Anti Kitten-Burning Coalition Letter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The regulars on Slacktivist](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=The+regulars+on+Slacktivist).



 

**A Note from The Anti Kitten-Burning Coalition**

 

Dear Postal Recipient:

 

You are no doubt aware by now of the dreaded Revenitis Sickness that has become an epidemic across the cities and suburbs of North America.  Although of little danger to the majority of humans (only about 1% of the very young, elderly and those with compromised immune systems suffer damage to the brain), this disease is deadly to household pets.   
  
Most commonly spread by domestic cats, the form of the fungal infection the species suffers from typically affects young cats, with most adults displaying varying degrees of resistance.  For this reason it has become more commonly known as “Zombie Kitten Syndrome.”  Signs of infection make themselves apparent within days of onset.  Early symptoms are similar to rabies and infected individuals develop glowing corneas and the necrolyzing (decaying) of skin and outer flesh.  There is no known cure or treatment.   
  
To keep the disease from spreading, anyone who finds an infected kitten is advised to kill it immediately and to place the remains in a plastic bag for disposal at the nearest available veterinary or medical facility.  DO NOT, and we repeat DO NOT attempt to kill “zombie kittens” with a flamethrower, matches, by placing them in ovens or by any means using intense heat or open flame.  This is not a bleeding-heart anti-cruelty plea.  The latter stages of Revenitis render the animal’s nervous system devoid of sensation.  The application of heat, unfortunately, causes the carcasses of infected animals to bloat and, more often than not, explode, releasing clouds of spores into the surrounding air.  The airborne spores infect persons and animals more readily than the saliva-borne infection carried by live “zombie” cats.   
  
If you care about the health of your infirm neighbors and the health of local pets, do not attempt to burn infected kittens, be they live or dead. 

 

Thank You,  
  
Shadrach Franklin, Sr. Manager at The Anti Kitten-Burning Coalition

**Author's Note:**

> The thread that inspired this is here: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/slacktivist/2017/07/03/alex-jones-kitten-burners/ 
> 
> "The Anti Kitten-Burning Coalition" is longtime Slacktivist slang for self-righteous people who base their senses of moral superiority upon getting outraged at an imagined mass of enemies who support things that no sane person does. Someone on the thread proposed an extreme hypothetical situation in which normal ethics regarding the treatment of kittens might presumably be suspended, leading to dark joking about kitten-litches.


End file.
